UK embassies, We can't assist you buy shoes

And now a public service declaration from the British foreign office:

While it will gladly get you out of a jam if you, say, lose your passport, it can't help you actually make jam.

Britons around the earth have inundated the country's 261 far-flung consulates with so many inane calls with such frequency that the Foreign and Commonwealth Office has had to put up a declaration on its Web site clarifying what situations comprise an actual emergency by highlighting what doesn't.

If you have a serious problem abroad , maybe you've been concerned in an accident, have lost your passport or are a victim of crime, we can help you, said Juliet Marci, the consul in Alicante, Spain.

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